Come see our sink grown plant.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
