Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
