I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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