dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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