Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
