I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
