Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
