I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will pee on everything he values.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So much rum. So many feels.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
