sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
