chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
