party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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