Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
