My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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