Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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