is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
