I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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