I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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