so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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