you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we're making bets on your personal life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
