you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
