My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
