I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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