My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
