you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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