Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
