Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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