In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
