My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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