Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
