You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
