Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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