none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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