New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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