In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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