Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
