You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
