shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
