It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
