he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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