the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please, let me fuck your mom
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
