Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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