Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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