I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
