She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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