Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
COCAINE IS GR8
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
