did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
