The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
