she was so not down for the gang bang
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
