I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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