This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
