Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
