So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
