Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
