I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
