Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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