if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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