I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
