Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize