Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All the doctor said was why
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
