you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize