Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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