Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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