Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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