Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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