Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
