i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
