Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
