He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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