How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
