i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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